After the long cold days of winter, spring sings her chipper song. As I write this, I have brightly coloured tulips to gaze at happily in my garden. Spring is a great time to start eating healthier, lighter food, wear bright colours, and get outdoors. It also happens to be a great time to fall in love. Perhaps scientists will one day reveal a specific chemical that flies around in the spring air that gets the pheromones going. Who knows? Maybe they already have…but before you take that exuberant leap into the arms of a special someone and fall head-over-heels, here are some suggestions to keep your head in the clouds while your feet are planted firmly on the ground.
In my therapy practice, I work exclusively with women and what seems to make it, again and again to the "Top 5" list of the most important issues in therapy is not without, as we are in a healthy relationship with a significant other . From my therapy chair, I hear countless stories of hopes smashedhearts broken, and very often, women being abused verbally, emotionally, and physically. Their pain is often gut-wrenching, extremely palpable, and difficult to bear witness to. I sit there day after day looking at the most beautiful, intelligent, strong, and capable women -a great inspiration to me in my own life- who are paying me decent money to help them figure out why they keep picking the wrong guys and how they can stop feeling so miserable in relationships.
By to enter the therapy door, they have often reached a state of despair and hopelessness. I can not tell you how many times I've heard women say: "That's it. I give up. I want in a healthy relationship, but I am not able to. I always find the same pattern over and over again and I never get what I want. "
This is where the therapy starts and begins the healing process. Changing self-destructive relationship patterns is a long and difficult,and often frustrating process. But it is to be fully achieved if you do have the courage, guidance, and stick-to-it-ness too. Because I am asked so often for help in this area, and because I'm through this process and ultimately in the best relationship I've ever dreamed, I wrote a self-help relationship workbook entitled, "Dump That hip: A ten-step plan for ending the extraction bath and the Fabulous Partner You deserve ". It's available on-line at:www.dumpthatchump.com.
For the purposes of this short article but I have a list of characters that you will have to tell you if your relationship is toxic, should look put together:
· The people who you most like him
• stop you, things you used to love to be with him
• You feel you can not live without him and vice-versa
· He has a bad relationship track-record
He · you feel bad about themselves
He gapes at ·other women in front of you
He does not seem · about what you have to say Care
• They did have a gut feeling that something was wrong from the start
• You feel "on the edge" or "the crazies" when you are with him and begin to doubt and your verdict
Even if sometimes it is not followed, it is possible to be from a toxic relationship. The first step is to understand why you are in the relationship. We learn the mostabout relationships from our families. You have to examine what kind of role models your parents were when it comes to intimate relationships and become aware of what you’ve picked up from them. Even the most dysfunctional family patterns will feel comfortable when they are repeated later in life- but just because they are familiar, it does not mean they are working for you.
You need to examine what you’ve been taught about relationships and how you have applied that teaching to your own life, and then resolve to find what is not useful or productive, and more alternatives. Other steps that I find listed in detail in my book and what your needs and come up with a list of characteristics that your ideal partner.
So many incredible, intelligent women-including myself-have man-toxic, but it is possible to break the pattern and begin enjoying healthy, happy and fulfilling long-term relationships. I have seen countless women ditchpoor relationships to achieve long term and very successful in attracting and maintaining healthy, fulfilling relationships. How? By digging below the surface and makes the "self" work "that is required ... there is no" quick fix "- the work is hard and often painful, but as someone who led on the other side, and many others Women have come, I can say conscience, that it's worth!
